I have a lot of thoughts, and few issues. But my issues run deep, and they make me stop and have these little things called mental breakdowns. These breakdowns make me feel weak, out of control, unhappy, sad. Lots of emotions. Over trivial things, and sometimes, over serious things.
I pull through. I make it out of that dark haze for another so many days or months, and I’m okay. I stop and think “gee, why did I let that bother me? Why did I let it break me down?” But it did, and it probably will again.
There’s been some history of mental health issues in my family, but I never like to rely on the facts that just because something has happened in your family means it will happen in your own personal future. Makes sense? But this is different. I can remember through the fog of being a little girl when my mom would have breakdowns, it never felt normal, but it became normal. Us kids would help her pull through it, somehow. Because at the end of the day she was our mom, a good mom despite some current events, and she loved us.
I must remind myself that. That I love myself, enough to not give up. To not let these breakdowns define my personality.
So I’ve started walking. Walking on my lunch hour, walking in the evenings sometimes and over the weekends. Most importantly, I started walking when I felt like I was going to shut down and start losing my cool with everyone around me. I walk to be healthy as well. My former anorexic self still has some dark thoughts that peep out sometimes and makes me feel like I need to go walk off whatever I just ate. But I can usually fight those thoughts just fine.
Walking just makes me feel good. Time by myself, outside when it’s warm or cool. I have a destination; a start and a finish. I feel good when I get through my set goal and end with the feeling of wanting to keep walking.
They say you should walk thirty minutes a day for exercise, I say you should walk just to clear your mind.
With as much time as we spend on our phones, at work, on social media, it’s nice to just take a breather. I know it’s not the same as seeking help from a mental health professional, which I should probably do at some point in time, but for now, walking helps me feel good and control my thoughts. It doesn’t cost anything, just a little time and dedication.
What do you do as a form of “therapy?” Feel free to leave a comment.